“You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength."
― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
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Work:
Out of the deepest depths of depression, I am emerging.
The worst 7 months of my life to date are over. As work wore on me, I found myself questioning what I was doing, why I was doing it, and what possible alternative careers were available. I frantically searched for ANYTHING that I could scrape a living together from instead of neurology... instead of this residency. Disrespected, treated like bottom-dwelling trash, getting paid less than the damn janitor who cleans my call room (I am completely appreciative of them); I was sick of it. I
still am. I still harbor feelings that have soured my entire outlook of
residency and my medical training. Pure fury, pent up like a caged
animal remains, and my temper wasn't the most stable to begin with.
"We've been spoon-fed baby food when we hungered for steak... the bits of meat that you did let slip through were pre-chewed and tasteless. We've been dominated by sadists, or ignored by the apathetic. The few that had something to teach found us willing pupils, but those few are like drops of water in the desert." -The Hacker's Manifesto
Alternatives exist, though they aren't an option when I'm staring down the barrel of $400k student debt... yes... $400,000 I owe to the government for the two letters after my name.
"We've been spoon-fed baby food when we hungered for steak... the bits of meat that you did let slip through were pre-chewed and tasteless. We've been dominated by sadists, or ignored by the apathetic. The few that had something to teach found us willing pupils, but those few are like drops of water in the desert." -The Hacker's Manifesto
Alternatives exist, though they aren't an option when I'm staring down the barrel of $400k student debt... yes... $400,000 I owe to the government for the two letters after my name.
I'm beat down. I'm just looking to get through the next 2 years. Work is on the back burner now... considerably far behind family and fitness. I've lost my 'give a fuck' to deal with it.
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Lifting:
Finished a 12wk block focused on as cleanly as possible adding mass... with strength being an unintended consequence. At the end of the block, I tripled (+) my initial training maxes. Progress...
We (coach and I) had a long discussion about new goals for my upcoming phase/year. I have no plans on competing this year, so I'm more interested in decreasing my bodyfat by ~10% or so. I understand that this will come at the expense of building max strength, I'm ok with that for now. I'll likely thread in 30m conditioning HIIT or otherwise most days of the week to help this along. My lifting will be geared towards this end, with increased lean body mass the goal...
I have no doubts how shitty these workouts will be.
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Diet:
I've added ~10lbs of bodyweight in the last 12 weeks... Minimal addition of fat. My legs and arms(triceps especially) have gotten the biggest boost from my training. Occlusion work is interesting and I feel a large part of my gains.
Much the same as before:I've added ~10lbs of bodyweight in the last 12 weeks... Minimal addition of fat. My legs and arms(triceps especially) have gotten the biggest boost from my training. Occlusion work is interesting and I feel a large part of my gains.
Shake 45g protein w/ coconut oil
Eggs/protein fat meal +/- berries/fruit.
protein fat
Shake 1hr pre workout
Glycofuse and Aminolast(or xtend) intra workout
Shake post workout
Protein fat meal ~40-50g carbs
Snack (greek yogurt&fruit, protein shake, w/e)
**green veggies will be almost unlimited... Salads, greens, asparagus, etc.
protein sources: Grass fed beef, Chicken breast/thighs, Wild caught salmon, Omega 3 eggs
Fat sources: Coconut oil, olive oil, natty peanut butter, almonds.
Carbs: Brown rice, veggies, occasional tortillas.
I'll likely be cutting back on the carbs a little bit, and only eating junk food occasionally... instead of weekly...
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| Body weight ~253 in December; February @264 |
